10 Monsters That’d Be Better Than Trump as President

After the recent, shocking election results, we found ourselves reflecting on our next steps as Americans. In the spirit of commentary, we decided to add to the conversation uniquely by presenting our top 10 monsters better than Trump for president.

P.S- Catch Donald Trump’s statblock at the end!

1. Mind Flayer (Illithid)

Mind Flayers are known for their intelligence, strategic thinking, and unparalleled mental powers. They might bring advanced insight into economic and diplomatic challenges, thanks to their deep, calculating minds—just don’t let them get too close, or they might enslave you and add you to their hoard.

The Mind Flayer’s stat block reveals a creature perfectly equipped for cunning leadership, strategic thinking, and unmatched mental prowess—qualities that would arguably make it a more effective president. With a remarkable Intelligence of 19, it possesses both the knowledge and analytical skills necessary for handling complex political and economic issues. Its Wisdom (17) and Charisma (17) also grant it keen insight and persuasive abilities, enabling it to read people, foresee consequences, and navigate diplomatic scenarios skillfully. Proficient in Arcana, Deception, Insight, Perception, Persuasion, and Stealth, the Mind Flayer is a master of influence and subterfuge, making it both an astute negotiator and a shrewd judge of character.

Its Magic Resistance trait gives it advantage on saving throws against spells, symbolizing resilience and adaptability—essential traits for managing crises and maintaining composure under pressure. The Mind Flayer’s Innate Spellcasting ability allows it to detect thoughts at will, granting it a literal edge in “knowing what the people want.” Additionally, it can cast dominate monster once per day, showing that it can bring even the most unruly situations under control when necessary.

Its potent Mind Blast attack not only stuns enemies but represents its power to disarm and overwhelm opponents through sheer intellect. While perhaps a little more sinister than most would prefer in a leader, the Mind Flayer’s stat block exemplifies a creature capable of effective governance, mental resilience, and strategic foresight—traits that many would argue make it a superior candidate.

2. Beholder

Beholders are masters of control and foresight. With multiple eyes, each with a different magical power, a Beholder could “see” from many perspectives, handling crises with extreme efficiency. While their paranoia could be a downside, their focus on maintaining control would keep the country secure.

The Beholder’s Antimagic Cone ability allows it to suppress other magical effects in a 150-foot area, giving it unmatched control over magical threats and unpredictabilities. This ability could be likened to keeping outside influences in check, asserting the Beholder’s dominance over any situation.

With Legendary Actions and Lair Actions, the Beholder’s influence extends far beyond itself; it can exert control over its environment and protect its territory, reinforcing its status as a leader who can safeguard its “nation” from within its own domain. Additionally, its keen Perception (passive Perception 22) allows it to stay vigilant and aware of any potential risks. In sum, the Beholder’s stat block illustrates a powerful, all-seeing ruler with the means to oversee and subdue any potential dissent, securing its position with both strategy and strength.

3. Gold Dragon

Gold Dragons are noble, wise, and generally devoted to justice and the protection of others. With a Gold Dragon as president, the emphasis would be on fair governance and diplomacy, valuing the good of the people and promoting peace over conflict.

As a Lawful Good creature, it operates with a clear moral code and a commitment to fairness and justice. Its exceptional Charisma (24) and Persuasion (+13) skills make it a compelling leader, able to unite and inspire with genuine care for the well-being of others. This dragon’s wisdom and intelligence (15 and 16, respectively) indicate not only knowledge but also the insight to make thoughtful, strategic decisions in complex situations.

The dragon’s Frightful Presence and powerful Breath Weapons serve as potent deterrents to those who would threaten peace. The Frightful Presence allows it to establish authority without violence, intimidating only when absolutely necessary. Additionally, the Weakening Breath allows it to reduce opponents’ physical capabilities without lethal force, showcasing its preference for a non-violent resolution. Through its lair actions and legendary actions, the Gold Dragon can maintain control over its territory and protect its people, demonstrating both defensive prowess and the responsibility to defend its domain.

Altogether, the Adult Gold Dragon’s stat block reflects a leader with strength, moral clarity, adaptability, and the charisma to inspire—a truly formidable figure worthy of leadership.

4. Demon Prince Orcus

Though inherently sinister, Orcus is nothing if not consistent and reliable in his pursuits. His mastery of undeath might provide intriguing insights into healthcare and scientific research, and his long-term vision could bring much-needed stability to the office (though his policies might be a bit dark).

Orcus’s mastery over necromancy and his Wand of Orcus give him unparalleled control over the undead. The ability to conjure and command legions of undead at will makes him an expert in both offense and defense, allowing him to protect his territory or rapidly assemble a force when needed. His Master of Undeath feature also allows him to control undead indefinitely, showcasing his capacity for long-term planning and unwavering control. Such powers, while daunting, would ensure a strong and loyal following, as Orcus has complete control over his “citizens,” bringing a new meaning to law and order.

While Orcus is chaotic evil, his command, resilience, and tactical brilliance suggest a figure who would maintain absolute control—likely with less chaos, at least within his dominion—than many might expect. Although his motives are dark, his steadfast authority and sheer power would be undeniable.

5. Lich

Liches are undead wizards who’ve achieved immortality through sheer willpower and magic. As strategists with centuries of knowledge, they understand the value of long-term planning and intellectual pursuits. A Lich president might make research and education top priorities, laying foundations for the country’s future.

A lich, as a figure of formidable intelligence and power, exemplifies mastery over both life and death through ancient magic and careful planning. With an Armor Class of 17 and hit points of 135, the lich may not be the most physically resilient, but it more than compensates through its magical defenses and cunning. Its Intelligence score of 20 (+5) reflects an almost unparalleled knowledge and skill in spellcasting, allowing it to plan and execute complex schemes and dominate in arcane knowledge. This, combined with its Charisma of 16 (+3), gives it the presence needed to command respect or strike terror into those who stand against it.

The lich’s Legendary Resistance trait signifies its ability to overcome powerful spells and effects that would challenge lesser beings. Combined with Turn Resistance, the lich has a reliable defense against forces that would try to dispel or weaken it. The Rejuvenation trait ensures that even if destroyed, the lich will reform through its phylactery, giving it a nearly unending life—a testament to its determination to defy mortality and retain power indefinitely. This represents a ruler who would stop at nothing to achieve ultimate knowledge and control, fearing no enemy.

As an 18th-level spellcaster, the lich commands a versatile spell repertoire, allowing it to manipulate reality, dominate foes, and obliterate threats with spells like fireball, finger of death, and power word kill. Its ability to prepare complex, devastating spells gives it a clear advantage, allowing it to lead or defend with a variety of strategies. The lich’s preference for spells like animate dead and dominate monster demonstrates its inclination to amass followers and control others as extensions of its will, solidifying its dominion with a loyal—albeit undead—force.

In all, the lich’s blend of intelligence, magic, and undying resilience make it a master of arcane authority, ruling with a chilling efficiency that embodies both fear and respect from those it encounters. Read more on how to become a lich in our article Liches: How to Live an Esoteric Life Forever with Phylacteries.

6. Gelatinous Cube

This transparent, ooze-like creature may seem simple, but a Gelatinous Cube president would be refreshingly transparent and clean house—literally! It would engulf corruption, dissolve inefficiency, and leave behind only what’s truly valuable. Simple yet effective.

The Gelatinous Cube’s stat block supports its potential as a unique presidential candidate, embodying qualities that could stand in contrast to former President Trump. With no Intelligence, Charisma, or Wisdom to speak of, the Cube is a truly neutral force, unaffected by pride, ego, or personal gain, which would make it a refreshingly unbiased leader. Its condition immunities—such as being unable to be Charmed, Frightened, or Exhausted—suggest resilience against manipulation, fearmongering, or burnout, traits valuable in the face of high-pressure political environments.

7. Gibbering Mouther

Though chaotic and somewhat terrifying, the Gibbering Mouther could bring a unique perspective by truly embodying the “voice of the people.” Its many mouths and voices represent a wide range of opinions, creating an administration that listens to everyone—even if it’s a bit overwhelming.

The Gibbering Mouther’s stat block presents an oddly compelling case for its presidency, especially in contrast to the high-energy, high-conflict political arena. With low Intelligence and Charisma scores, it isn’t a creature of grand schemes or manipulative rhetoric; instead, it operates on pure, unfiltered instinct, embracing an unpredictable neutrality. The Gibbering feature epitomizes transparency—albeit in a chaotic, unsettling way—by broadcasting its thoughts (however incoherent) to anyone nearby. Unlike political leaders who may obfuscate or double-speak, the Gibbering Mouther is perpetually, brutally honest, representing a rare form of clarity in an arena often clouded by rhetoric.

Its Aberrant Ground ability reflects a practical approach to slowing down political conflicts: it disrupts movement around it, grounding everyone within reach. This can symbolize a leader’s effect of encouraging citizens and lawmakers alike to slow down, pause, and carefully consider each step—a refreshing shift from impulsive actions. Its Blinding Spittle action, while disruptive, could serve as a metaphor for revealing uncomfortable truths, temporarily disorienting but ultimately enlightening.

8. Mimic

The Mimic’s ability to disguise itself as nearly anything would make it an adaptable leader, able to “blend in” and work with various groups and interests. A Mimic president would be versatile, creative, and able to think outside the box—literally.

The Mimic’s stat block makes a unique case for its suitability as a political leader, especially when compared to conventional candidates. With its Shapechanger ability, the Mimic adapts seamlessly to its environment, embodying versatility and a readiness to meet the demands of any given situation. This adaptability is a critical leadership trait, as it allows the Mimic to shift perspectives and take on the appearance or characteristics needed to relate to or support different groups. Unlike traditional leaders who may struggle to resonate across various demographics, the Mimic’s transformative nature enables it to blend in and meet people where they are.

The False Appearance trait signifies the Mimic’s humility in not drawing undue attention to itself. It lies low and takes a non-showy approach, symbolizing a leader who listens before acting.

9. Green Hag

Hags are cunning, resourceful, and possess ancient knowledge. Though not inherently kind, a Hag as president would bring an ironclad focus on results. Their knack for crafting powerful pacts and deals would be a huge asset in the political arena, ensuring the country’s interests are well-represented.

With a solid Constitution and Strength score, the Green Hag also demonstrates resilience and a commanding presence, essential for withstanding political pressure and challenges.

Her Amphibious ability emphasizes adaptability, able to thrive in both water and air, symbolizing a leader capable of thriving in different political arenas and circumstances. While her Invisible Passage ability suggests she could operate under the radar when needed, potentially avoiding scrutiny or giving her time to craft her next strategic move, it also reveals a leader who may prefer to work behind the scenes to pull the strings rather than seeking the spotlight.

Though neutral evil in alignment, the Green Hag’s leadership would be driven by pragmatic self-interest, making her an effective yet morally questionable figure—focused on maintaining power and achieving her goals through subtle manipulation, charm, and strategic deception. This cold, calculating approach could be seen as an asset for a presidency where winning at any cost takes precedence over traditional ideals.

10. Succubus/Incubus

These charismatic fiends are experts in persuasion, charm, and diplomacy. A Succubus or Incubus president would use their social skills to create alliances and resolve disputes, winning over even the toughest critics. While they might have their own agendas, their focus on charm and negotiation could prove beneficial.

The Telepathic Bond allows her to maintain control over those she charms, even across vast distances, suggesting a leader who could effectively govern through subtle influence and manipulation, ensuring loyalty even in remote or disconnected factions.

The Succubus’s Shapechanger ability makes her adaptable, capable of shifting appearances to meet the demands of the moment, presenting herself in the form most likely to win favor among various groups. This ability, combined with her Stealth proficiency and Etherealness, gives her a distinct advantage in maneuvering behind the scenes, escaping scrutiny, or evading capture when necessary. She could work from the shadows, maintaining an air of mystery and control while acting behind the public eye.

Overall, the Succubus would be a president who thrives on charm, deception, and calculated moves, able to control the narrative, win support, and extract resources from others—all while hiding her true intentions from the public eye.

0. Donald Trump

We decided to end this blog post with the scariest monster of them all… Donald Trump. Feel free to get a level 20 party together and take your frustration out on this version of the convicted felon.

Trump, The Tyrant of The Tower, strides into the room with an air of unshakable arrogance, his glimmering golden suit reflecting the dim light. His voice booms, filled with self-congratulation and nonsensical boasts that seem to confuse and enrage everyone around him. With a mere flick of his hand, he can command the loyalty of the weak-willed, all while weaving tales of grandeur and success that no one else can quite believe. His enemies falter under the weight of his delusions, but his lack of intelligence and wisdom means he’s prone to embarrassing blunders, often tripping over his own words. Despite this, his charm is undeniable, and those around him find themselves inexplicably drawn to his bluster and bravado.

EQUIPMENT

Fancy Suit of Ego: Grants Trump resistance to all damage except force and psychic. However, it makes him exceedingly vain, causing disadvantage on all Wisdom (Perception) checks.
Golden Chalice of False Claims: A golden goblet that Trump holds in one hand. It allows him to cast Command three times per day without expending a spell slot, though the targets are often confused and annoyed by the command.

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